18 months

tomorrow master wilkes james higgins will turn an unbelievable 18 months old. i cannot believe the little person i see before me and i go through my days feeling both awestruck and terrified. he's a full fledged toddler now and i would be lying if i said i was prepared for what having a toddler truly meant. i hardly need to describe to any of you what having a toddler is like but in the interest of "putting it on the record" i am going to try to describe what our toddler is like these days.
he's part whirling dervish, part tasmanian devil. he has a great sense of humor and a frightening temper. he can make you laugh until your sides ache and in the next moment bring you to tears. he is insanely clever and seemingly brilliant but at times even the most basic of tasks cause him great angst. there are moments when he shows great initiative and moments when he seems to be the laziest person on the planet. he is growing too fast. so fast, in fact, that there are days when i think his whole life will pass me by without my noticing every last detail. he adores his father, lucy, stone, murphy, paco, yogurt, anything that crunches, raisins, the outdoors, water, sandwiches of all kinds, hats, music and elmo. he gives great hugs and seems to have an infinite supply. he is getting to know himself and is able to assert his likes and dislikes stronger, at times, than i am capable of handling.

we go to school now and he is thriving there. i've chosen an introductory montessori program where we both participate and i have been thrilled with the results. it has been fascinating to observe him with other children and to see him settle in to the routines of the classroom. his teacher called him "sweet" and said that he was one of the "kindest" children she's seen. (although lucy or his classmate jack might disagree after taking a punch or two to the head.) i have referred to him in my class observation journal as the "little observer." i can only hope that his observation skills, combined with his natural curiosity, will lead him down great paths.


he can throw a ball, help set the table, put his clothes in the hamper and "walk" lucy around the block (closely supervised). he loves to "help" and get in on the action. his hair is getting thicker and it's strawberry blonde tones remind of ryan's mom and her great red hair. he is still a big kid but his body fits him and he is learning to manipulate it in ways that delight us and make us laugh. he says only a handful of words but continues to chatter constantly. truth be told, on occasion i have worried that he is not saying enough words but i try not to let the worry get away from me. i know that one day he'll wake up talking, really talking, and i'll long for the incomprehensible babble of today.

i love him more than i ever thought possible. i try not to get so caught up in shuffling him from here to there that i take him for granted. he is seriously a wonder and it rocks me to the core that i am responsible for creating him and giving him life. now, more than ever, i want to hold on to who he is, although at the same time i cannot wait to see who he will become. he is my best buddy, my constant companion and one of my greatest achievements. and even during those times that he drives me so nuts i consider drop kicking him, it only takes one flash of his megawatt smile to bring me to my knees.

he is a joy, a miracle, a flash of light; the personification of goodness, humor and love...and he is ours. our gratitude and pride are without measure. happy 18 months little wil. i love you.

the great outdoors

i suspect that you're shocked to see me posting again. if you haven't completely written me off, maybe you even wonder where i've been. i wish i could tell you that i'd been sunning in st. john (uh hum) or something like that but i've been working my tail off outside. we are so proud of the way our house has changed over the last two years. we have worked so hard to make both inside and outside reflect how grateful we are to live in such a wonderful place. we take a lot of pride in our home and i believe it shows.

over the last month we have marked a ton of projects off what started out as a LONG to-do list (and i won't even bore you with the inside list)...there is a short project list that still remains but we've made amazing headway. so far we've:

• completely redone our front porch (stripped, sanded, refinished and painted the floors, railings and columns)
  
• cut down trees and ripped out an entire section of a huge flower bed that was ugly and served no purpose (i am sorry i do not have a good "before" picture of this area. it was hideous and the transformation is amazing)
  
• moved 35 cubic yards of mulch into all of our flower beds and the new playgroud we made for wil
• created a new playground area for wil that we have big dreams for
  
• painted the shed
• weeded and cleared out all dead brush
• planted all flower pots, window boxes and placed some new plants in the ground
• cleaned all gutters (thanks ry...it was a gross job)

we've done it all ourselves and it's felt great. we have worked every night after wil has gone to bed and i have worked through every nap. we feel great about what we've accomplished and we cannot wait to see it all complete. still on the list:

• ryan is installing a fence on two sides of our shed giving me a private potting area, plus storage that will be out of site (not to mention...OUT OF SIIIIIIIIIIGHT & DY-NO-MITE!)
  
• a bluestone landing in front of the shed and a pathway to the potting area gate
• powerwash the house (blah)
• make the tire fort and tire sandbox
• buy and hang a hammock (on the wishlist...not necessarily the to-do list)
  

i feel like i have accomplished amazing things and working with ryan has been so much fun. we've high fived more than i care to admit, had some good laughs and really worked as a team to achieve all of these things. the best thing is this: we did it all while managing to find time to hang out with friends, play with wil and get in a few dates. hard work is good for the soul...it has been great for mine.

enjoy this photo gallery of then and now.

new avenue

I am attempting to blog via text and email...ie: yes, I am addicted to
my iPhone.

Sent from my iPhone

Be afraid. Be very afraid. I am attempting to mobile blog.

persistence pays

when i went to summer camp as a young girl one of the "secret" mottoes of my tribe (go shawnees!) was DGU. it stands for "don't give up" and apparently those three letters, and what they stand for, burned themselves deep into the recesses of my brain. i am proud to say that i rarely give up on anything. i work hard at things that are important to me and can honestly say that no matter how many times you kick me i will eventually get back up.

that said...last week i got an email from the woman who organizes all the playgroups for the newcomer's club suggesting the addition of three new women to my group. my playgroup never really took off (we all remember what happened when i hosted) and the thought of adding anyone new was comical and tiring. i have taken a few walks with the one other woman who actually wanted the playgroup to work as much as i did. she wasn't able to make it to the session i hosted and i knew that before hand. i was the only person to show up to the session she hosted and we have since had a laugh over the whole debacle. so, as you might imagine, adding three more women seemed not only futile but down right ridiculous. but, hey, if at first you don't succeed...try, try again...DGU...that whole thing.

i contacted all three women and offered to host a group today around 10:00. when 10:15 rolled around i looked at wil and said, "good lord. not again." right when i said it a car pulled up. and then another. and another. and another. that's right....THEY ALL CAME. not only that, they were all fun, all normal, none obnoxious, all had cute kids, all eager to make the group work. i spent $6 on a dozen mini-bagels and brewed a pot of coffee. there were no fresh flowers (although someone did bring me some!) and i didn't get up at 6:30 to clean the house. the conversation was easy and the kids played very well together even though they range in ages from 1 year to 21 months. they can all walk, even the 1 year old (overachiever!) and they gabbed, played with wil's toys and chomped on bagels as if they'd been doing it for years.

as i watched the kids playing and the women visiting i felt so happy that i'd decided to throw myself out there again. maybe we'll be friends for years. maybe we won't. but i'd never know unless i tried and, this time, it payed off.

Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “Press On” has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
- Calvin Coolidge

manipulate me

when pip was visiting over spring break she noticed (as i had...let me get that in there) that wil loved to play with all manner of knobs, switches, latches, etc. she told us about a board that is made with latches and such. she suggested to ryan that he could probably make one instead of us buying one for $150+. after some research we found out that they are called manipulation boards and they are used in both some preschool classrooms and rehab facilites teaching (and reteaching) fine and gross motor skills. we got some ideas and set off to lowe's to buy materials. two weeks later wil has his board and he loves it. thanks ry...it's awesome! and thanks pip for the inspiration!

the board

wil at work

wil supposed to be posing but watching basketball (it's march madness!) instead

peace sign.

the story is not a long one or even that interesting. the sign was ryan's mom's and i always admired it hanging in her house. it was given to me last summer and i love it...the way it looks, the color, and especially what it says.

just one of many things in our home that make me feel happy...and peaceful.

confessions of a deadbeat blogger

i pretty much made the decision to quit the blog for good. i wasn't feeling it anymore...it became more of a job than a journal and that was never my intention. the time wasn't there...or, more accurately, i wasn't making the time because, honestly, i didn't want to. for a few months i have been going days without even turning on the computer and it has felt oh so good. contrary to what you might think i didn't quit the blog for FB...i quit the blog because i felt like the blog was strangling me.

when i worked outside the home it was so easy to spend hours and hours on the computer doing anything from work to reading to emailing to surfing the web. i had 8 hours a day to play and i loved it. when wil was a tiny baby the computer became my link to the outside world. he slept a lot, most of my friends were at jobs where they did all the aforementioned stuff on the computer and i got on the computer in the morning and stayed on all day to feel connected. as he's grown my time has become less and less. he wants to play. he wants to eat. he wants to go outside. he falls down. he needs a hug. he wants to read (again and again). he has no patience for my being on the computer and he shouldn't have to acquire it. then there's lucy...and the cats....and, oh yeah, me. lucy needs a walk. the cats need food (again and again). i want to exercise. i want to read. i want to take a shower alone . i want to load all my cds onto itunes. i want to organize. i want to cook. i want to sleep. ARGH....there's no time for it all. so things get ditched. the blog. the reading. the shower. the cds. the exercise.

but then there's the guilt. not over the shower but certainly over the blog. SIGH. same song, different verse.

when you work outside the home you learn to multi-task. you learn that there are things that need to be done today and things that can wait. there are things that take 20 minutes and projects that last 2 months. there are deadlines to be met and a boss to impress and somehow, regardless of co-worker chatting and web-surfing, things get done. when you are home with an ever-changing variable (wil) it's not as easy to get things done. there are no deadlines (oh, i'll get that last 10 lbs off someday....i think my hair can go just ONE more day before i wash it...everyone loves PB&J for dinner - it's FUN!) and there is no boss to impress. there isn't an annual review and everything starts to run together. i am rambling.

the point is this. i get overwhelmed at times and i fall off the face of the earth. i have always been this way and it shows in different areas of my life at different times. i am trying to teach myself how to build a schedule and stick to it. i am trying to learn that everything doesn't have to be all or nothing. this is a very hard lesson for me. very hard.

nevertheless i am back and will continue to be back a few times a week (maybe less) but certainly no more. it's hard to achieve balance when you're clumsy as hell but i will continue to try.