courting mommy

my dear friend rita sent me an article on mommy dating this week with the question, "is it really like this?" SIGH. yes, rita, it's really like this. allow me to illustrate my point.

i am a member of a social organization called newcomer's club that brings people from four towns together for women's events, men's events, couples's events, family events, charity events...you get the idea. we joined last year but after having wil i was not emotionally ready to tackle meeting new people. this year i have been to one of the women's events and i requested that wil and i be added to a playgroup. i was excited about the playgroup for several reasons but mainly because two dear friends (denise & heather) have uber-successful playgroups where moms AND kids have become great friends. i wanted that for myself...and for wil.

assignments came out about 6 weeks ago and i was placed in a group with seven other women with children all around wil's age. i was so excited but as not to seem desperate i waited to see if anyone else would jump before i plunged. no one did (which should've been a sign) so i offered to host the first group at my house. after about 1,000 emails back and forth we all agreed that thursday's from 9:30-11:00 worked for all of us. i was excited. all seven women were coming and i just knew lifelong friends for both wil and me were going to show up on my door step.

the night before four of the seven cancelled. still hopefull i got up before 6a on the morning of the big day and scrubbed the area that we'd be "playing" in within an inch of it's life. i was working on adrenalin and hope. i took a shower, took great care with my hair and got dressed up...but not too up...again, didn't want to seem desperate. i got wil dressed up too and by 8:45 we were ready and waiting. and waiting. and waiting so long, in fact, that wil gave up.

you can probably see where this is headed. my first guest arrived at 10:15. she was very nice but, honestly, i cannot remember her name. she did not want coffee or water or coffee cake. she hovered over her daughter and kept pulling out toys that she brought from home for her daughter to play with. i am sure she is a lovely, wonderful person but for lack of a better way to say it...she wasn't my type. my second guest arrived frazzled and apologetic at 10:50. she also didn't want coffee (or water...or coffee cake) and her child, the oldest of the group, ran all over the house without her supervision. at one point, she actually said, "i wonder where he is..." WHA? in her defense, she was pregnant and the kid was BEYOND high energy but, jeez, wow. again, she is probably a wonderful, lovely, person but, while more my type, i just wasn't feeling it. the third person never showed up and the aforementioned left at 11:05.

disappointed does not begin to describe how i felt. i was completely deflated. look, it's not that i don't have friends here. i do, great ones. this is not about wanting to replace those friends...just add to them. and, honestly, this was a chance for me to make friends on my own. it was the first time since having wil that i was willing to put myself out there and it flopped. luckily, i am not a quitter. i'm in this game to stay and, eventually, i know i'll find a winning team.

so, rita, the overwhelming answer to your question is YES. it's hard to meet moms, it's hard to meet men, it's hard to make friends sometimes, too. even if you have a great network naturally in place there will still be a time when you've gotta swim out there on your own and it's hard. the thing that keeps me going, however, is that with perseverance you will eventually make great, lifelong friends that will totally get it when you share stories just like this.

if you can stomach it...check out my photos.